youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
