I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize