a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
ttyl tear gas
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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