i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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