If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
