she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
