Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
