i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
