guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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