Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
