he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
