he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
