JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
