I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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