The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
