how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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