Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
