Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize