I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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