Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
