dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
