yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
