I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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