Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
