she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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