Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
