I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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