I faked an abortion last night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
