I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
