Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize