Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
