You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
