he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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