I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
