Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
