I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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