I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
