I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
