Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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