i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she peed on how many people?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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