he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
