He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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