As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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