Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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