You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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