census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
