You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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