Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
