Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
