yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
did i just pee glitter
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
