i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
