i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
