shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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