apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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