Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
