Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize