I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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