I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize