Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
