Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
