My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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