I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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