so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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