I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize