Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
