we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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