just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
