My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
