Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize