the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
