Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
