great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
